


you were strong

by dazzlinjean



Category: Straykids
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 10:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16514210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazzlinjean/pseuds/dazzlinjean
Summary: in which seungmin had given up, but hyunjin always there to tell that he was strong.





	you were strong

 

seungmin didn’t even know how to react, how to deal with the world that always wants him to pass away, to die, to be vanished. he always hates himself because he was so weak that he couldn’t even fight the reality. he couldn’t do anything to help himself and he hates that.

 

he wanted to be a winner, to be free. but the weight of the world pulled him down, the gravity was too strong and he was so fucking weak.

 

“fucking can not do anything good! what a pathetic, seungmin! you are better die!”

 

seungmin couldn’t see anything clearly, as his eyes were flooded with tears. he didn’t wipe it, he didn’t want to. he was sitting on the bed with his back against the head’s bed, his tears kept falling, his head ached but the pain in his heart was hurting him more. his condition was dark, his mind was miserable and he didn’t know what to do.

 

“fuck! fuck off!”

 

seungmin hugging his knees tightly, burying his face to his folded arms. his shoulders were shaking, tears kept falling but he didn’t know how to stop.

 

“damn—“

 

“seungmin, stop it.”  

 

seungmin was beyond surprised to hear his own harsh breath when suddenly someone interrupted his curses. he moved his position to lay on his back, looking at the high and dark ceiling. he felt the presence of another person in the room getting closer but he said nothing.

 

“you better take a rest, because the world needs your smile and energy tomorrow.”

 

seungmin heard. That was the words he didn’t want to hear. He wanted to be angry, but he didn’t know why. hyunjin’s words made him felt insecure, he didn’t want to look like what hyunjin tried to say because his condition now was no help.  

 

“also need to know that your smile is the best thing that god ever gave to me. and i’d like to see it everytime.”

 

hyunjin smiled. and somehow it could make his heart warming and hurting at the same time.

 

“i would fucking die. what else do you expect?”

 

seungmin said, he didn’t want anyone to hear any crack in his voice, or any sobs that involuntarily came out when he suppressed his desperate cries, but he still failed because he wasn’t doing a good work.

 

“no, you won’t.”

 

hyunjin answered calmly, but comforting. he took a sit beside seungmin bed with his hand caressed seungmin’s hair slowly, gently—as if it would hurt the younger boy when he did it too hard.

 

“you won’t go anywhere and i would never allow that thing to happen.”

 

seungmin let out a sad chuckles, almost sarcastically. but hyunjin knew he did that only to strengthen himself from hurting,

 

“how can you say that,”

 

“i can, because i believe in you.”

 

hyunjin’s voice cracked and seungmin heard it. but everything he said still felt so assuring and comforting to seungmin that he just wanted to believe too. he wanted to believe in hyunjin, he wanted to believe in himself.

 

“i’m in third stadium of blood cancer, hyunjin, it won’t help.“

 

seungmin was just so tired of pretending that he was fine, that he could win the fight with his own illness.

 

he wasn’t that strong. and he wanted hyunjin to stop hoping anything that was not even possible.

 

“....but i know that you are tougher than that shit.”

 

the voice was firm—even though it’s more like a whisper. seungmin turned his head and what he didn’t expect was to look directly into hyunjin’s soft eyes—but they were red and teary, and seungmin thought hyunjin was crying too.  

 

how hopeless were they? they have cried a lot these past months.

 

“hyunjin, i’m—“

 

“no need to say anything bad again. i won’t listen it up because you’re not allowed to leave me behind, in any ways.”

 

hyunjin insisted, desperately telling himself that it was true. hyunjin had believed in seungmin after such a long time, he believed that the younger boy would be okay, that the cancer also would gone, and he would never allow seungmin to betray his belief,

 

“like hell i will allow that cancer to take you away from me.”

 

“hyunjin—“

 

“sshh.”

 

“hyunjin, listen up! i’m—“

 

“shut up, seungmin.”

 

“but—“

 

“shut up!”

 

hyunjin buried his face on seungmin’s right hand, desperately crying over him because he couldn’t hold it anymore longer.

 

“...please, don’t say that, seungmin, please...”

 

seungmin could see hyunjin gripped on the front of his shirt but seungmin knew that it wasn’t his chest that’s hurting—but it his heart.

 

seungmin’s left hand stretched to touch hyunjin’s face before the younger boy picked it up. his heart suddenly ached when he noticed tears dropped down without hyunjin even tried to hold it back.

 

seungmin reached hyunjin’s shoulder with one of his hand—while another one was wrapped in an IV tube, trying to send comfort or at least some heat with the contact.

 

accepting the contact, hyunjin leaned to the touch and seungmin almost gasped when his body was pulled into a tight and desperate hug, and the next thing he felt was the fabric of his shirt got wet as hyunjin cried onto it.

 

“don’t leave me please, don’t ever...”

 

it ripped seungmin’s heart to see how helpless hyunjin was. he could only return the hug and let hyunjin cried his heart out, his shoulders shook and his breath ragged. seungmin couldn’t say yes, he couldn’t promise, because he knew he would die really soon and he didn’t want to break any promises that they might make.

 

he also didn’t want hyunjin to know he was being betrayed.

 

“i’m sorry hyunjin, i can’t promise...”

 

hyunjin could feel his eyes wet—from the worries, the fear, the sadness, came all at once when he heard seungmin gave the answer that he didn’t even want to hear.

 

“but—“

 

“I’m sorry...”

 

and hyunjin knew that seungmin wasn’t only apologizing for what happened this time, but also for every promise he might break soon.

 

but no matter what, he still didn’t think that seungmin would break their promise to keep staying together because hyunjin knew seungmin loves him by the bottom of his heart and by that, hyunjin believed seungmin would never leave him.

 

“hey,”

 

seungmin released his hug and one second after that, hyunjin could feel seungmin’s left hand—the one without the IV, reached to his own, made hyunjin immediately gripped on to that hand back, just like what he did after seungmin woke up from his sleep-long a week ago.

 

“you are ugly when you are crying.”

 

seungmin smiled, and hyunjin too.

 

“but it can’t make me to stop loving my boyfriend.”

 

seungmin smiled wider that his eyes formed crescents.

 

and there was a comfort warm feeling in hyunjin chest, and it felt like he was healing from the inside.

 

“seungmin...”

 

hyunjin held seungmin’s hand tighter with both of his, sandwiching it with both of his palm, and caressing it to send warmth. he leaned forward to get closer, staring back at seungmin who was looking at him with his tired eyes. right, maybe he was tired, maybe seungmin just too tired and sleepy. yes, hyunjin liked to think that maybe seungmin wasn’t in pain.

 

“.....stay.”

 

seungmin could feel a tear fell from his eyes after so much effort to held it back. hyunjin was asking him to stay, to keep their promise for always being together.

 

it was such a simple request, but it was hurting seungmin from the inside. he couldn’t promise anything again, seungmin couldn’t promise to always stay. he would go any soon like—damn! he even thanked god that he had been given the chance for still breathing.

 

but then again, seungmin himself also wanted to ask for a second chance. he wanted ask some miracle—or anything that could make him live longer more than he actually does.

 

because there, there was a guy that he wanted to hug longer.

 

“yeah, i will stay, i promise.”

 

hyunjin inhaled a deep breath before he let seungmin moving into his sleeping position. his weak complexion looked relieved by hearing the answer. because yeah, seungmin had promised him and hyunjin knew by heart if seungmin would never betray him, in any ways.

 

hyunjin didn’t miss the faint smile on seungmin’s lips, also a weak squeeze on his own hand. and it was enough to tell him that his boyfriend was just sleeping.

 

hyunjin also promise that he would never let seungmin to go anywhere while he was holding so tightly on his seungmin’s hand. no one could take him away, no one.

 

and nothing would hurt seungmin anymore when he’s with hyunjin. not even hyunjin himself.

 

“i know you’re strong, seungminie, i know because i believe in you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

end—

 

 

halo anyone reading this until get the ending?

 

i actually wanted to write this short story to a bit longer but i also didn’t want seungmin to die and found a baby hyunjin crying over there lol.

 

anyway, thankyou for anyone that reading this. and sorry for grammar errors!

 

 

—vaya.

**Author's Note:**

> this is only a shortfict! enjoy this carefully! xoxo.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> —vaya.


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